Social Flow

I am an introvert. I also enjoy working.

Pair those two together, and you’ll find yourself with a workaholic who prefers not to leave the house.

Luckily for me remote work is a thing, and so in today’s times I am able to thrive professionally.

As much as I would like to stay at home all day and code, sometimes there is this thing called ‘Life’ that gets in the way.

Life is amazing, you should really check it out sometime. The graphics are insane, but unfortunately Life also comes with one major downside;

Meme

Now, don’t get me wrong, I like my friends and family.

And most of the time when I drag myself out the front door, I actually find myself enjoying being social.

Yet, there are obligations that I do not want to go to. Internally I am thinking; ‘wow, what a complete waste of my time. I could be writing some code right now…’

But guess what — that mindset is going to ruin your experience, and degrade other’s opinions of you.

You’ll go, be in a sad boy mood the whole time. You won’t enjoy yourself, and other’s won’t enjoy you being there.

Now the nihilist in me would love to say: “That sounds great, I just won’t bother going then if that’s the outcome.”

Decisions Have a Cost

Remember that ‘Life’ thing from before. Yeah well, it turns out that Life is meant to be shared… And so to share your life with people, you HAVE to be social, some of the time.

Right — so we agree that some amount of Social Obligation is required. And thus if we are going to spend some time at a social occassion, we’re better off to maximize our return from it.

Better to show up every so often, and bring your most present, engaged self. Than to show up all the time, but be a nihilistic prick, right?

So then, how do we flip the script?

I am a huge fan of Deep Work. For those uninitiated into the cult of Cal, Deep Work is a fancy way of saying I am going to sit and be focused for a few hours.

As an aside, what an amazing term that is. Simple concept owned through a unique framing; now when you think of focus, you think of Cal.

So, what if we could leverage this idea of Deep Work, as apply it to Social Obligations?

Well, I’m gonna take a stab at creating a nice framing here too and call this concept “Social Flow”.

When I sit down to do some Deep Work there are two things that are critical to success.

First, I make sure that my phone is off (and preferably out of reach entirely).
Second, I give myself a time frame: I am going to sit and work for the next 90 minutes.

So why don’t we apply these same two principles to Social Flow.

I know that I HAVE to attend this event tonight. I want to make sure that I am in Social Flow.

To do this I will turn my phone off at the front door before I go in (1/2).

I will then give myself a timeframe of how long I will stay, at a minimum (2/2).

This allows you to enter the state of Social Flow.

You are present, and engaged. You’ve signalled to yourself that you okay with trading this fixed amount of time to be here.

And before you know it, you’ll have passed your minimum time for your Flow state.

In a world where most people are glued to their phones, do not underestimate the power presence.

You don’t have to be the most outgoing, nor the funniest or smartest person in the room. Simply focus on entering a state of Social Flow in every Social Obligation, and see the rewards you reap.

In the words of Charles Bukowski:

If you’re going to try, go all the way. otherwise, don’t even start.

So, the next time you’re faced with a social event, choose to immerse yourself completely. Remember, life is meant to be shared. By entering a state of Social Flow, you’re making the most of those shared moments. Don’t just attend—engage, connect, and contribute your authentic self.